Racing, Stripped Down

"It's amazing when you strip it all down. You don't need much. You don't need big crazy events, just crazy passionate people with wild big goals, all supporting and motivating each other to be amazing."
- Lynn Harris (my athlete, who rode longer, farther, and higher than she's ever ridden)

Before yesterday, there was a slowly widening hole in my heart. I sign up for race after race, year after year because Ironman has been the most easily accessible medium for cultivating self worth. Reminding myself a few times per year that I am a limitless human being spreads through the fibers of everything I do and everything I believe in.

I was also missing the personal growth I get to witness in my athletes. I love that they've all been open-minded and dedicated to challenging themselves in different ways throughout COVID, but it gets increasingly more difficult to stay motivated without an opportunity to put it all on the line. Sure PR's are exciting, getting faster is cool, but what I live for as a coach is giving my athletes a platform to shed layers of doubt so that they can realize potential that they might not have even known existed.

Everesting was never about the numbers for most of us. It was about our own personal Everests. I wanted to shoot for the whole 29,029 because I wouldn't have been as motivated by a lesser goal. Realistically, I knew that on a TT bike with limited gearing, I wasn't completely set up for success. I'm a strong athlete with a shit ton of willpower but I'm not that strong. I would have had a better shot with a road bike, on a steeper hill that allowed for less total mileage. But my TT bike wouldn't have made it up a steeper hill for as long and I loved that the grade of this hill made the challenge more accessible for more people.

At the end of the day, I rode about 150 miles in 13 hours, totaling just over 20k feet of elevation gain, the longest and farthest I've ever exercised for (including all my Ironmans). 20k feet was the most I've ever climbed by over 8k feet. As it became increasingly more inevitable that I would be done before 29,029, my goal evolved into just continuing to pedal until I couldn't anymore. If I was going to DNF, I wanted to make sure that it wasn't because I gave up, it would be because just for today, that was my limit.

My top 5 favorite things about our Everesting Challenge:

1. Being out on the same hill with the Colorado team. Living and breathing in real time with like-minded souls who share the same passion for chasing dreams.
2. Coming together and organizing this challenge with 2 other coaches (Julie & Alison) who also believe in walking the walk. 
3. That indescribably fulfilling feeling of completely emptying the tank.
4. Getting to share my Iron-team with others. I have never been on a solo mission. Ryan (my husband) and Gina (my sister) are part of my endurance journey, and I'm so glad that a few other people got to experience the lift you get when they're behind you. 
5. My amazing team of athletes who all surpassed milestones yesterday. At the beginning of the day, I asked them all to get to the point that they wanted to quit, at least once, and to keep going from there. Even if they didn't make it much further, I wanted them to all experience the feeling of breaking down a wall. And they did. 

The final 2 climbs were wobbly and it had started to rain. The rest of the CO team had gone home so there were no other bikers left on the road, but I had my support crew (Ryan, Gina, and my dogs) driving up and down the mountain with me. I didn't stop because of my legs, and to be honest, I've had a hard time dealing with the fact that I quit before my legs were tapped out. It hit me when I woke up Sunday morning and my legs felt like they could probably get back on the bike and go again. I stopped because I was starting to lose it mentally. My brain was getting foggy and I was starting to lose focus for short periods, and that was a little scary. I've pushed myself beyond that point before and I promised Ryan I would never put him through that again.

I wrote a blog on January first about needing to put myself in situations to fail more. Technically I failed my Everest attempt, and even though I know that I stretched my limits and did things I've never done before, it still doesn't sit well. I know that the path to success is lined with failure, but I have a lot left to learn about how to deal with it.

I'm endlessly grateful for my sport and the community that we've created. Endurance teaches me so much about what I value, who I am, and what I stand for. I believe in the relentless pursuit of better, and I've found myself in the middle of community who shares this drive with me.

5/4/24 & All the Feelings

I don't know about you but quarantine has been an emotional roller coaster for me. If I were to sum up my experience, it would go something like this:

1. I feel more grounded and purposeful than ever and also like I'm free-falling into an abyss.
2. I feel a sense of freedom without my regular commitments and also completely lost without them.
3. I'm happy about my extra introvert alone time, and also lonely and missing my people.
4. I miss the regular pace of life and I'm also scared of going back to it.
5. I want to make sure I get the most out of this experience and use this time to grow as a person. And it is so fucking hard.

So that brings us to 5/4/24. I've always made life decisions based on how each direction makes me feel more than anything else. So when Julie asked me if I wanted to run 5 miles every 4 hours for 24 hours and my entire body pulsed with excitement, it was an easy "yes." No overthinking, just thank god I have a reason to push my body again.

I didn't really train for it other than my usual higher-than-average volume of weekly exercise because I needed it to be hard. With all of the aforementioned feelings swirling around in my brain, I needed my body to be the focus again. I needed to have a reason to remind myself that I'm strong and I'm capable of pushing myself when things get tough.

When this idea was birthed only about a month or so before the actual event, I wasn't sure how to approach my athletes with it so I didn't push anyone towards it. More of their races were still on the table and I didn't want to take away from their other goals, but 5 of them decided on their own accord to join me and I'm so grateful that they did. I don't know how I got lucky enough to be aligned with the athletes I work with, but feeling like a coach again and maintaining our group text throughout the event gave me life. When we plan the next one of these, I'll be more deliberate about "inviting" everyone (and they know what "inviting" means).

I've never done an ultra-marathon or a Ragnar relay or anything like that, so I really had no idea what to expect. I didn't know how my body would hold up and I didn't know the extent to which I'd be angry about completing 2 of the 5 mile segments past my bedtime. Ryan reluctantly agreed to participate along with me, even though his longest run up to this point was only 13.1 miles. I think part of his reasoning was that he didn't want me to be alone in the dark. There was also a small part of him that wanted to see if he could do it. And there was a BIG part of him that wanted to spend the whole rest of the day eating carbs.

The first 3 segments were pretty easy on my body, and I was starting to feel like I was coming out of the depths of quarantine and back into my life as an athlete who competes in actual athletic events. Myself and the other D3 coaches who were part of this event (Julie & Alison) had the idea for Mike Reilly, THE voice of Ironman, to hop on a Zoom call with our athletes before starting the second half of the day. Julie reached out to him and he actually said yes! We told the athletes we'd have a surprise guest and it was unbelievable to see the looks on their faces when they saw who the guest was. Mike is the guy who coined the phrase "You are an Ironman!" and pronounces it to all the athletes that cross the Ironman finish lines of the events that are lucky enough to have him. "You are an Ironman" is a declaration of transformation. It's the signification that you are now a new kind of person: the kind of person who doesn't take no for an answer; one who fails over and over again until they succeed; one who may have excuses and hardships, but never lets those things stand in the way of their goals.

For me, Ironman is the arena in which I prove to myself that I am that kind of person. Hearing Mike's voice on our Zoom call caused the deep void I've been feeling without Ironman to surface. I was teary-eyed on the call but I was focused on soaking in every single word he said and listening intently to his voice. Then when the call ended, I completely lost it.

The last 3 segments were both fun and challenging. If I'm being honest, the running part was easier than I thought it would be. The difficult part was waiting 4 hours between each and trying to figure out how much to eat and how to fit in sleep and rest. I didn't love when my alarm went off before starting the final segment, which started at 1:00am, but my legs handled it like the badasses they are.

I got so much more out of 5/4/24 than I anticipated. I truly love training and I love the process, but I miss racing. This event filled a little piece of that void for me. It gave me the community suffering that comes along with races- the extra strength that you get from pushing yourself alongside other people and not just on your own.

But it also made me acutely aware of what I've been missing. Whenever we are finally able to race again, these are some of the things I'll never again take for granted:

• pre-race nerves
• getting kicked and pulled and swam on top of in the water
• the palpable love and support from the volunteers
• setting up transition so that everything is just right
• completing the second half of the bike course and all of the run course in shorts soaked in my own urine
• words of encouragement from random strangers: both spectators and other racers
• aid stations
• sitting my bare ass onto the porta-pot seat in the middle of the race because that seems like a better option than using my quads to squat over top of it

And more than anything else: finish lines.

Lessons from Endurance

I recently got the results back from an athletic-based DNA test, where my genetic expressions of "gifted" traits, pointed to high potential in sports like power lifting, body building, or being a "linebacker." (Seriously.) Based on my athletic background, and the sports and skills that have always come most easily to me, I could have predicted this. If I wanted to capitalize on my natural physical abilities, I would have never found my way to endurance sports. But instead, I've always chosen to follow my intuition and my heart, and that is exactly how I found Ironman.

Up to this point in my Ironman career, I've been able to tally up the lessons that I've learned through pushing the limits of my endurance. I've continued to sign up for race after race because even though the lessons have been challenging and uncomfortable, they've been my platform for growth and resilience as both an athlete and a person. Each one has given me a new perspective on what I have control over, what I don't have control over, where I need to improve, and when I have to let go.

I firmly believe that Ironman has strengthened my armor and built my character. And now that it has been put on pause, it's time to turn the tables and use this challenging time in life to build upon my foundation. Coming out stronger on the other side of this pandemic is as much, if not more, a feat of endurance as any race I've ever done. It took me a little while to recognize it as such, but thanks to triathlon, I know that I am trained for this.

I've been intently focused on improving my speed at the Ironman distance for a few years now, so it has been a while since my goals have been related to conquering a new distance. And I think I forgot that the first thing you have to do when stepping up to a new distance is to slow down.

It has to be about survival and expansion before it can be about speed.
There's a learning curve and there's a whole lot of failing that comes before mastery.

I still feel myself oscillating between acceptance and resistance. I go through phases where I feel restless and I just want everything to go back to normal. Sometimes in the middle of a long race, I go through phases where I just want the pain to stop and I get caught up in that feeling. Comfort is so easy. Normal is easy. What's known is easy. And sometimes you convince yourself that those things are what makes you happy. But in order to get myself through those phases, I remember that resisting the low points doesn't make them go away, and letting them have control over me is never worth settling for. So I've learned to surrender to the process and embrace the deep discomfort that comes with growth.

I love this quote attributed to an anonymous Navy Seal: "Under pressure, you don't rise to the occasion, you sink to the level of your training. That's why we train so hard."

As endurance athletes, we know this truth too well. We know that without putting ourselves through the fire, we would miss the opportunity to learn what we're made of and what we've trained for. We also know that sometimes by putting ourselves out there, we may find out that we didn't train hard enough or prepare well enough. But it is simply the courageous act of stepping into the arena where we have to face our shortcomings, that we learn exactly what they are and how to conquer them next time.

So right now we might feel a little lost because we're missing our arena. Races are canceled and we don't know when they'll be back. But I'm going to challenge myself to see this pandemic as our current arena. It looks different on the surface, but this is all about endurance. I love that my sport has gotten me to this point: where I'm far from handling things perfectly, but my gratitude and appreciation for a challenge is what keeps driving me forward.

2020: My Year of Embracing Failure

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."
- Robert F. Kennedy

When I asked my athletes to fill out their post-season reviews from 2019, I asked them where they failed or came up short in the past year. And along with this, how did their failures reflect their courage and enthusiasm?

Reviewing my own triathlon season made me realize that while I have a lot to be proud of, I've come up short in reaching my goals year after year. This is not reflective of my personality. I've set and reached goals my entire life. Even as a kid, I was always driven and goal-oriented. And I set really high goals too, not just easy things to check off the list. So what is it about triathlon that inspires me to aim for something that's just a little bit further out of reach? And why do I keep coming back for more?

I qualified for the Ironman World Championship in 2016 kind of by a fluke. I came in 3rd in my age group in Ironman Boulder earlier that year. My age group was supposed to only get 1 spot to Kona, but at the last minute an extra spot rolled down from one of the older age groups who didn't use it. So 1st place took her spot, and for some reason 2nd place was nowhere to be found when they called her name for the 2nd spot. Maybe she heard that we were only getting 1 spot and went home. I didn't even have a good race in Boulder. This was before I figured out my sweat concentration and I was bordering on hyponatremia in every Ironman I raced. I was bloated, dizzy, and walked a lot of the marathon.

After having the magical experience of racing in Kona that year, I competed in Ironman Lake Placid, Ironman Los Cabos, Ironman Texas, Ironman Chattanooga, Ironman Canada, and Ironman Louisville. I failed to qualify for Kona every single time. And in each consecutive attempt, I grew less and less discouraged.

You learn so much more from failure than you do from success. I learned how important it was to appreciate each and every race for the unique experience that each offered. I learned how persistent (stubborn?) I am when I'm pursuing a goal that I feel like genuinely adds value to my life. I've learned countless ways to get more out of myself: physically, mentally, and emotionally. And I learned that if endurance is the goal, in both my sport and in my life, then the failures that add up along the way are just part of the journey instead of stopping points.

So in 2020, I'm going to dream up as many innovative, creative, enthusiastic, daring ways to fail as I can. As long as I continue to learn and grow from each experience, I'm excited to find out how much I can evolve this year. And on the off-chance that I set a perceived out-of-reach goal where I end up succeeding, that will be a win that I couldn't have attained without this mindset.

I can't end this blog post without acknowledging that my husband is probably reading this thinking that this is going to be a really "fun" year for him. There may be some messes that I create that he'll inevitably have to help me clean up. So starting here, I'll make sure I remind him often how much I appreciate that I wouldn't be able to take as big of risks without him unconditionally having my back.

Before Ironman Canada this year, he gave me a printed and framed quote by Teddy Roosevelt, in which he changed all the male pronouns to female pronouns. The "man in the arena" became the "woman in the arena." I was doubting myself heading into that race because it was my first Ironman that I had coached myself for. I was so afraid to fail as both an athlete and a coach. With that gesture, Ryan showed me that not only would I never be alone in my pursuits, but that just showing up and continuing to put myself out there is the real win. If you know the story of how that race went down for me (IM Canada Race Report), you'll understand how the quote guided my performance that day:

"It is not the critic who counts. Not the man who points out how the strong woman stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the woman who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs; who comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, great devotions; who spends herself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if she fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that her place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

Ironman Louisville 2019 Race Report

That’s a wrap on my 2019 triathlon season. My first season coaching myself is over and although I didn’t make progress in terms of how I placed in my IM’s: 4th last year at Chattanooga, to 4th at IM Canada, to 4th at IM Louisville, my spot on the podium doesn’t tell the whole story. 

Last year when I found out the swim was canceled at IM Chattanooga, I was devastated. It took me the better part of a day to get my shit together, stop crying and feeling bad for myself, understand that I have no control over the circumstances, and focus on executing a solid bike and run. This year when I found out the swim was canceled at IM Louisville, I wasn’t even phased. Even my gut reaction to opening the email was calm and accepting. Maybe my experience at IM Canada in between these 2 races (vomiting every few hours for 2 straight days heading into the race) made me appreciate something less intrusive. I was healthy and I was still going to be able to race. Even though the swim is a strength for me, I’ve gained a lot of confidence in my ability to bike and run with some of the best women in my age group, and I thought I still had a chance to fight for a Kona spot. My reaction also showed me that I’ve learned that the best use of my energy is spent on maximizing my effort and attitude. Giving away my energy to doubt, fear, or anything outside of my control takes away from the progress I’ve worked so hard to gain.

It was below 40 degrees in the morning for our time trial bike start, but I had already made the decision that cold is an opinion, and I started getting my typical pre-race giddy school girl smile on as I made my way to the start line. 

One of the big things I’ve been working on this year is creating a better balance between my training and recovery. It’s easier to be disciplined about working hard than it is to be disciplined about holding back when you need to. I wanted to be consciously focused on saving my best efforts of the year for race day, not for training. It doesn’t matter how many hours you log, what your FTP is, or how many hill reps you ran if you can’t show up on race day and be fresh and prepared to fully express your fitness. 

The Louisville bike course was constantly rolling hills. There were no really big climbs, but the up-and-down never really subsided, for a grand total (according to my Garmin) of 6,591 feet. My power was right on target and I’m most proud of the fact that despite the nature of the course, I maintained a variability index (measure of pacing) of 4%. I didn’t know that at the time because I can’t be bothered by my watch and it’s insistence on providing me with data and numbers while I’m racing, but that would be the key factor that set me up for a big marathon PR. All I knew was that I felt good and I was ready to get the F off my bike and run some girls down.

My Kentucky-Derby themed race sherpa, in all of his glory

One of the reasons I don’t look at my watch while I’m racing is because I believe it keeps me safely within my limits and I’m not here to play it safe. If I’m going to reserve my best effort for race day, I have to be prepared to hit higher power and run faster paces than I have in training, and if those numbers are going to scare me into thinking I can’t hold them, then I’ve let doubt take away from my energy. What I’ve trained to be able to do is know what a sustainable pace feels like so that whatever that pace is on race day, I just trust the feeling and go with it.

So when I got off my bike and started knocking off a few sub 8:00 miles (which I’ve never done before), I just shrugged and figured I was going to run faster than I ever have. According to my Kentucky Derby inspired race sherpa, I got off the bike in 7th and had some work to do. I stayed focused and in the zone the entire run, knowing how much faster I was running than I have in previous marathons, and doing everything I could to keep it flowing. Just like in IM Canada, it took me forever to actually catch anyone. I saw Ryan at the 23 mile mark, where he let me know that I was 1:40 back of 4th place. So I dug in, knowing that if 4th place got me a Kona spot, and 5th place didn’t, I had no choice but to make up that time. 

As it turns out, 3rd place was where I needed to finish for a Kona spot, but I can honestly say I didn’t have the fitness on Sunday for 3rd. There were some really impressively fast women in my age group, and the top 3 earned the crap out of their tickets. I did, however, finish with a marathon PR, coming in at 3:34, and a 15 minute overall improvement from Duathlon Chattanooga last year. 

As a coach, I preach to my athletes that your performance goals have to take precedence over your outcome goals. You can control how fast you go, but you can’t control who else shows up and goes faster. I’m always “gifted” with lessons from my races that I can turn into strengths moving forward, so having the swim canceled again felt like yet another annoying round of “you don’t have control over anything.” But I think it’s more than that. I think that my next lesson is that I haven’t used my power and energy to control everything that I can. There’s more to uncover. I have to be ready to go into any race, under any circumstances, and know that my preparation has put me in a place to reach my goals. I’m realizing that I have more to unlock within myself, and that leaving results up to too much chance is giving up too much power.

#racechins

I believe whole-heartedly in the power of my intentions, and if I’m being honest with myself, I haven’t given the swim the attention that it deserves as part of an Ironman. I swim about an hour for 2.4 miles, on average, which has seemed fast enough to put it on the back burner, while I dedicate the majority of my time and energy to biking and running. I haven’t treated the swim like it’s a real part of the race, and the Ironman gods/universe/whatever have heard my message and made it literally not a real part of the race. Next season, that changes. And that’s just one thing. I know there are others. It’s time to get really honest with myself… right after a few weeks of laying on my couch and eating all the gluten.

Finish line love.

Our album drops next year.

Ironman Canada 2019 Race Report

The only word I have to describe my feelings about this race is gratitude. Less than 24 hours out, I wasn't even sure if I'd make it to the start line. Of course I have goals and expectations for my races, but the thought of not even being able to fight for a finisher medal was heartbreaking.

Friday morning I started to get sick. I couldn't keep anything down. By Friday afternoon, I could barely get out of bed, and my routine became sleeping for a few hours then waking up only to throw up any remaining fluid I happened to have in my body. Making it to and from T1 on the shuttle to drop off my bike on Saturday was probably the hardest part of the weekend. Saturday night, I tried to force a pre-race meal of some chicken and rice into my body, but I puked that up too.

I had somehow gotten through all of the necessary pre-race setup the day before, and I certainly didn't come all this way to not at least show up and try on race morning. I wasn't sure I'd make it to the finish line, but I was damn sure I was going to make it to the start line, and that from there, I had to just believe that anything was possible. I managed to get half of my normal pre-race breakfast into my body and it actually stayed there! Those were the first calories that didn't try to escape my body in days. I couldn't even force myself to drink coffee though, and that's how you know something was still very wrong. Usually, I'd take coffee straight through an IV if I could... and also drink it because it's delicious.

Race morning. No idea how I was going to get myself up and do an Ironman.

My mantras for this race (that I had come up with weeks ago) were "I choose growth." and "I choose miracles." And I didn't mean miracles in the traditional sense. I meant them like, anything is a miracle if that's the way you choose to look at it; and also, I "choose" them, meaning I have control. I am not a product of the things that happen to me; I create my reality. Turns out I COMPLETELY overlooked the fact that some shit would have to go seriously wrong before a miracle could happen, so that will be the one and only time I use that mantra.

Swim: 1:09:00
I lined up for the swim in a slower group than usual. I wasn't there to break any speed records so I took my time trying to see how my body would handle it. Once I started getting into a groove, albeit an incredibly slow groove, I was relieved to find out that I didn't feel sick at all, I just had absolutely no strength or power. But that was fine with me! I had gone from not being sure I'd get here, to making progress through the water, and that was pretty damn exciting. I exited the water with my slowest all time swim by 6:00 (my second slowest swim was a 1:03 in Kona).

This was Ryan telling me that it was ok if I couldn't make it.

No matter how shitty I feel, this is always what starting an Ironman will feel like.

Bike: 6:13:44
The first loop of the bike course was much of the same: no strength or power, but continual forward progress. This is when I started to feel like I could finish. It might take me all damn day, and it definitely didn't help that I chose a course with 8k feet of climbing, but I really had a chance to survive this thing. I grabbed bananas at aid stations, which I don't normally do, but my body had been completely depleted of electrolytes so I figured I needed all the help I could get. Each calorie that I took in was the most I'd eaten in days, and I started to feel better and better. By the second loop, I found myself picking it up and starting to gain some momentum. Even before I got sick, I didn't think there was a chance in hell that I'd feel better on the 2nd loop of this brutal course than the first.

Run: 3:50:13
By the time I got to the run, I actually felt somewhat normal. I couldn't believe it. So I just started running, and not slowly. I had new life and I was going to use it. I had no idea where I was amongst my competition because up until that point, I didn't care. I could have been in 50th, but I now had a chance to fight for 49th and I wasn't going to take that for granted. But apparently I actually got off the bike in 9th. The best thing about an ironman is that there's a marathon at the end, which gives me plenty of time to do some work. I didn't see any girls in my age group until the last 10k, but I just kept believing I could catch them if I poured everything I had into it. I still didn't know what place I was in, but by the last 5k, I knew I had passed a few girls and my only goal was to squeeze every last ounce of life out of my body. I didn't care if it was enough to put me on the podium, I was just so incredibly grateful that not only was I going to finish Ironman #7, but that I got the opportunity to do what I love more than anything in the world: prove to myself that I don't have to have limits. I can choose growth and miracles.

I finished in 4th place in my age group, on the podium. Of course it's always my goal to qualify for Kona at an Ironman, but after this one, I don't even care to analyze my results and think about what could have happened if I had been healthy the whole time. After thinking I may not even get a finisher medal, standing up on the podium didn't seem real, and I only have gratitude in my heart for what I was able to give to this sport that gives me so much life. I'll get back to Kona one day, but in the mean time, I'm having a damn good time finding out what I'm made of.

As always, I couldn't have done this without my #ironteam. They went through the same ups and downs this weekend with me, and just kept believing in my strength and supporting whatever decision I might have to make. I can never say enough about Ryan. He prepares for an ironman just as much as I do, making sure that each strategic site that he finds me on the course has the appropriate attire and attitude to make me smile. It's impossible to put into words how much passion and love he puts into this, so hopefully these pictures tell the rest of the story:

Jorts being made in real time.

Escape from Alcatraz Race Report

My focus for this season is on Ironman Canada. With Escape from Alcatraz being only 7 weeks before Canada, I wasn't going to make time to train specifically for that distance. I basically just used it as an excuse to do my favorite workout, which is running up and down the stairs at Red Rocks. I also knew it would be important to mix in some cold water acclimation, which I was less excited about. I can race in the heat with no problem, especially now that I have my fluid and sodium loss down to a science, but I am not interested in being cold. Ever.

So I started taking cold showers, and getting into cold water whenever I could, which was made possible by our long terrible winter. (Thanks, Colorado.) Every time I turned my shower head to the cold setting, it made me angry. I have no idea why I have such a high tolerance for doing things to myself that I dislike. One morning after a hail storm, I got into the outdoor pool at my gym, with the ice chunks. I thought I would just jump in and start swimming but after a few strokes of not being able to catch my breath, I had to stand up to get my lungs out of the water. Then I told myself that I was going to swim for 10 minutes and I was not going to feel cold, and that's exactly what I did. I was able to relax my body, and get it done. The problem was when I got out, I was really dizzy, and numb everywhere. This made me realize 2 things: I am grateful for my ability to put mind over matter and commit to whatever mental state I set my intentions on; and, mind over matter may not always be the best approach for me.

My new goal for Alcatraz would be focusing on the "matter," aka, tuning in to the feelings instead of overriding them. The next time I jump into a body of water with ice chunks, I would focus on the cold, and feeling it on each part of my body so that I could know when it would be appropriate to get out and not get hypothermia. In the race, I would tune in to each sensation, to have a better understanding of how to get the most out of myself, based on the feedback from my body. I've spent so much time completely ignoring pain and discomfort, that it seemed a little scary at first, but I was excited for the new challenge, and it felt like an important step in my development.

The boat we jumped off of (the San Francisco Belle) through Ryan's binoculars

Come race day, here are some of the things I got to feel:

1. Arguably my favorite part of the race: the pre-race boat ride out around Alcatraz with 2000+ other psychos who thought this would be a good idea. We were on the boat for about an hour without phones or anything else to distract us, and the energy was unlike anything I've ever been a part of.

2. The 3 seconds right before it was my turn to jump, my heart was in my throat, and I felt some combination of fear, nerves, excitement, and just the pure intensity of being alive.

3. The stinging of salt water in my eyes starting the second I jumped in, and all the way to shore. I wanted to be uncomfortable, right? Having my goggles turn into mini water bowls felt like it met that standard, so I decided to just keep swimming, instead of stopping to fix them. AND, now I didn't have to see any sharks if there were any.

4. Land, sweet land.

5. The excitement of the wild ride that was the bike course! If you have ever been to San Francisco, just imagine a bike course there.

6. Not being afraid of maxing out my effort up the steep grades, and being able to do it again and again.

7. Pure gratitude for disc brakes.

8. All of my hopes and dreams for running up the sand ladder, crashing to a complete halt on stair #2 out of 400.

9. The burning in my lungs the last few miles to the finish, reminding me how relieving it would feel to slow down just a little bit.

10. The satisfaction of not slowing down, and leaving it all out there.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I signed up for this thing, but it was truly a bucket list race, and I'd recommend it to anyone looking to get outside of their comfort zone and have an absolute blast in a triathlon. I came in 2nd place in my age group and 8th overall female. I missed out on 1st place by less than the difference of our T1 times. If I could go back, I wouldn't have stopped to put on shoes before running the half mile to transition. But I can't go back, so whatever.

Focusing on the sensations of the race allowed me to be in the moment, which I know will come in handy when I need to occupy my mind throughout the course of an ironman. Even when my mental game has been at its best, I still have moments in every ironman where I'm worried about my competition, the conditions, and how there could possibly be SO MANY MILES LEFT. It also allowed me to make conscious decisions on the fly, about how to react to each situation. And most importantly, it made me realize that even if a sensation is negative in its connotation (i.e. pain, burning lungs, etc), I don't have to react negatively to it. I don't have to slow down. I just have to be aware.

So here we go, onward to Ironman Canada. In order to be successful, I'm going to need 100% of my focus on my own task, rather than what's happening around me. And I just got a lot better at focusing my attention on my goals.